“Be suspicious but not paranoid”
Photo by Isaac Quesada on Unsplash
Link to my novel snippet:
Someone doesn’t like you? Well, that’s too bad. Never take caustic and passive-aggressive comments personally. They’re usually a projection of another person’s insecurity issues. Actually, it’s a covert compliment, as I call it because — deep down — the toxic person knows you’re so good at what you do that they’re likely never going to be on the same level as you. And it makes them mad as hell! Don’t try to understand another person’s point of view if it’s not someone important in your life. Don’t waste your time and effort on people who constantly point fingers at others (often in a passive-aggressive way). They’re often the most toxic and manipulative people who want to fool the world into buying their prim and proper persona. Even when you get an expletive-filled comment, see if there’s anything in there you can use — a piece of advice, maybe? Ignore the rest. Never take it personally and never hold grudges. It’s a waste of your time and effort. An energy drain.
Make fun of toxic people in your life
Not openly, of course. Use your imagination. When a toxic person in your life starts their usual mind games, imagine waving a magic wand and turning them into a cartoon character. Not so scary anymore, right? Or imagine playing tennis with them and then — voila! — they’re suddenly playing tennis in stilettos.
Here’s an example of a toxic person trying to elevate their status by lowering yours:
‘’You don’t know how the world works,’’ a toxic person says. ‘’You’re so naive.’’
This kind of a dismissive ‘’mansplaining’’ attitude is a classic mind game. Never take it personally. Funnily enough, people who say such things aren’t exactly decision-making champions themselves. Just brush it off, shrug it off. . .or laugh it off. Confronting them is pointless because A. such people rarely have the capacity to understand what they’re doing and B. you’re giving them your energy which is exactly what they’ve wanted in the first place. So don’t feed the toxic energy vampire-troll. They’re going to say you’re rude and will paint themselves as victims of your ‘’verbal aggression’’ with others seeing you as the bad guy.
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Don’t over-analyze
The smarter you are, the more difficult it is not to over-think things. For example, you’ve submitted an article to a newspaper. Just leave it alone and wait for the publication. Don’t analyze every single scenario you can think of. Don’t bombard the editors with questions because you’re only going to annoy them which could result in a rejection. Knowing when to ask questions and when to stay silent is a marvelous life skill to have. When writing a book, don’t correct every single sentence ten thousand times. There’ll always be something to edit and improve. You need to know when to say: ‘’Okay, that’s enough, moving on to the next stage now.’’ Analysis paralysis is the main cause of stagnation and chaos in the world because nothing ever gets done when you never materialize your thoughts — either out of fear or complacency.
Don’t procrastinate
I’m definitely not a procrastinator. I’d rather do what needs to be done as soon as possible. Sure, it takes time and effort but it also trains your character and focus.
Imagine the worst case scenario
Instead of adhering to the whole cliche ‘’everything’s going to be alright’’ mindless mantra, visualize the worst-case-scenario. Stress often stems from lack of clarity — for example, imagine the worst-case-scenario before giving a presentation. Your mind will now have clarity and you’ll perform much, much better. It’s extremely rare for the actual worst case scenario to come about and even if it does — you’ll be ready. When you’re always positive, you are like a Roman soldier without a shield, waiting for archers to shower you with arrows.
Have a connection to God
I know it’s a cliche but we really are living in tumultuous times. No one can tell how the current crisis is going to unfold. It’s all speculation and theorizing. Having a link to God — I call God a self-aware infinite intelligence — is going to make you realize that no matter what happens here on Earth — your divine spark will eventually gravitate back to the Creator. If you’re a cynic who rejects any kind of non-material existence, it’s your right, just don’t impose your views on anyone else. If you’re a deeply religious person who sees the world through the heaven and hell dichotomy — the same applies to you. I know there are many places around the world where only one way of thinking is acceptable. If you live in that kind of region of the world, please accept my well-wishes — and stay strong! Even when everyone criticizes you and demeans you, remember that God values you.
Revenge is useless
Moving on isn’t the same as forgiving and forgetting. Don’t waste your time on revenge. Toxic, manipulative people usually end up destroying themselves. So sit back and enjoy the show. Do you like sweet popcorn? I do. Sure, it’s vital to know what kind of mind games people play to avoid potential pitfalls in life. But knowing what these mind games are isn’t the same as being consumed by them.
Try something dramatically different in your life
We live in strange times so let your life reflect it. Do something unexpected. I see people as micro-universes existing alongside each other. Just as you have the cosmic concept of parallel universes, the same applies to people. We mostly live in perceptual bubbles, surrounded by people similar to us. Just look at the social media and political views. If you support Biden, how many fervent Trump supporters do you know? Don’t unfriend people on Facebook just because you dislike their opinions. Their perspective can be a source of learning. Sure, if they’re total uncultured swine, then by all means — it’s bye-bye time. Find someone who lives in a dramatically different universe, like you randomly chose some alternate reality to explore. It’s fun!
Look for alternatives
Does your book keep getting rejected by literary agents? Maybe it’s time to change the strategy. If strategy A doesn’t work, it’s time to try a different approach. Determination is vital but knowing when to change the strategy is equally crucial. Otherwise, you’ll just keep running in circles. Or like a hamster on a wheel.
1. Come up with a strategy.
2. Implement the strategy.
3. Even when you didn’t achieve your objectives, you’ve learned something new.
4. Based on your previous experiences, come up with a new strategy.
5. If you keep failing over and over again, then sure — it’s a great learning experience — but it’s also important to ask yourself: maybe that terrible person was actually right about my book being a haphazard collection of useless words? Maybe it’s time to write something else?
Be a bit self-centered
There’s nothing wrong with looking after your own interests. In fact, it’s a healthy survival mechanism. If anyone tells you otherwise, they’re trying to manipulate you. Don’t buy into their guilt-trips. Well, unless you’re totally selfish; that’s an unhealthy extreme. If you were cursed to bring money luck to others, do you think anyone would care about your feelings? No, they’d pretend to be your friend to make you bless them with that money luck of yours.
Have friends in high places…
…but don’t ask for favors too often. It all comes at a price.
Cross over to an alternate universe
Or as a woman I once knew mispronounced the word: eunuchverse.
It’s hard but hey. . .life.